How to Identify and Overcome Limiting Beliefs Holding You Back

The first time I heard the term limiting belief, I was at a seminar many years ago.

Honestly, it sounded like one of those buzzwords that self-help gurus love to throw around.

“Limiting beliefs,” I thought, “Sure, but what does that actually mean?” But as the speaker continued, something caught my attention: the idea that these beliefs could quietly shape every part of our lives, our success, our relationships, even our self-worth.

I started wondering, Could this be true for me? I brushed it off at first, convinced that I was just being “realistic.” But as I listened more, I began to realize I wasn’t as immune to those hidden beliefs as I thought.

I had been carrying around stories like “I’m not good enough” or “I’m just too shy for that.” And the worst part? I had never even questioned them. They were running on autopilot, subtly guiding my choices, keeping me from reaching my full potential.

What if I could change those stories? What if my beliefs weren’t set in stone?

That’s when I decided to dive deep into understanding—and changing—those limiting beliefs. And it changed everything for me:

• I learned to be more authentic and built more meaningful and healthy relationships.

• I finally found the courage to leave behind a job that drained me and pursue my passion for coaching by starting my own business.

• I stopped self-sabotaging and made consistent progress toward my health goals.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re stuck or holding yourself back, keep reading. I’ll share what I learned, how it can work for you, and why it’s never too late to rewrite those old stories.

What are beliefs?

Beliefs are thoughts that we accept as true. We go through our daily lives with these programs running the show in the background of our minds. Beliefs shape how we see the world, ourselves, and what's possible for us.

These thoughts, if repeated often enough, become unconscious. That's because every time we think a thought, the neurons in our brain fire together. Over time, these connections become stronger and more automatic, which forms a belief.

Studies show that 95% of our thoughts are unconscious, meaning that most of our beliefs are stored deep within the subconscious mind. These subconscious beliefs drive about 95% of our behaviors and decisions, often without us even realizing it.

Dr. Bruce Lipton’s research on epigenetics shows us that beliefs influence how our genes express themselves. In his best-seller, The Biology of Belief, Dr. Lipton shows that what we believe about ourselves and our environment doesn’t just stay in our head but it directly impacts our biology.

In other words, our beliefs can activate or suppress genetic expression, meaning that the thoughts we hold can literally shape our physical health and well-being.

The structure of belief

Beliefs are built on a foundation of repetition, emotion, and experience. Think of beliefs as layered. At the core of our belief system are deeply ingrained subconscious beliefs. These beliefs often form early in life, typically as a result of strong emotional experiences.

For example, if a child repeatedly faces rejection, whether from peers, parents, or authority figures, the brain interprets this emotional pain as something to avoid in the future. By the way, this is not something she can control, the brain does it automatically.

To protect her, the brain might create a belief like "I’m not lovable," which becomes a defense mechanism.

Once in place, these beliefs act as filters through which she sees the world. They influence her actions, relationships, and decisions, often without her even realizing it.

And because they’re buried deep within the subconscious, they’re the hardest to identify and change later in life.

Above these core beliefs, we have conscious beliefs, things we intellectually think are true, like "I’m good at my job." But when push comes to shove, if your subconscious belief is "I’m not good enough," it will override the conscious belief every time.

Scientifically, this is due to what we call "neuroplasticity", the brain’s ability to rewire itself.

Every belief strengthens certain neural pathways. The more emotion attached to the experience, the more deeply ingrained the belief becomes. This is why trauma or significant emotional events can have such a strong influence on our belief system.

The role of beliefs in our lives

Beliefs act as the lens through which we view and interact with the world. They define:

• What you think you deserve

• How you behave in relationships

• How you pursue your goals

If you believe you’re capable and deserving, you will take actions that align with that belief. But if you hold onto limiting beliefs, like "I’ll never be successful," your actions will reflect that.

Essentially, beliefs create your reality.

The placebo effect is one of the most well-known examples of how beliefs impact us. A study published in The New England Journal of Medicine found that patients who received placebo treatments (but believed they were getting real medical treatment) showed significant improvements.

If a belief can affect your body’s ability to heal, imagine what else it can influence in your life, your confidence, relationships, career, and even your sense of purpose.

I see this in my own life, too. The belief that I’m not good at drawing or painting has kept me from trying, despite the possibility that I might actually enjoy it. My brain has made this belief so automatic that I don’t even give myself a chance to explore this side of creativity.

It’s a small but real example of how beliefs can limit our experiences and prevent us from discovering new aspects of ourselves.

If I were to define beliefs in just a few words I would say they are the architects of our experience here on Earth.

What are limiting beliefs?

We usually think about beliefs in two ways:

• Positive beliefs (sometimes called empowering beliefs)

• Negative beliefs (or limiting beliefs)

Limiting beliefs are negative thoughts or ideas that you accept as true, which hold you back from reaching your potential.

Unlike positive or empowering beliefs, which encourage growth, limiting beliefs keep you stuck in patterns of self-doubt, fear, or avoidance.

Research suggests that about 95% of our daily thoughts are repetitive, and 80% of those are negative, according to the National Science Foundation. This highlights how much of our internal dialogue may be driven by limiting beliefs.

Limiting beliefs can affect every area of our lives, from relationships and careers to personal growth. But why do we have them?

Where do limiting beliefs come from?

You're not going to like this, but most limiting beliefs come from when you were very little. Which means you can’t really control when and how these beliefs are formed. The brain, especially in those early years, absorbs everything like a sponge, often without filtering what’s helpful and what’s not.

The good news is, as an adult, you can take control and replace these self-limiting beliefs with empowering ones that support your growth. Here's where these beliefs often come from:

1. Childhood experiences

Most limiting beliefs form during childhood, a time when the brain is highly impressionable.

Between ages 0-7, children are in a theta brainwave state, similar to a hypnotic state. This means they absorb external messages without much filtering.

Criticism from a parent, bullying, or even overprotection can lead to core beliefs like “I’m not good enough” or “I’m unworthy.” These beliefs often linger into adulthood, quietly shaping how you see yourself and your capabilities.

Think back. What messages did you absorb as a child that might still be shaping your beliefs today?

A study conducted in Tanzania involving 1000 adolescents found that childhood psychological maltreatment, such as emotional abuse and neglect, significantly affects self-esteem and mental health during adolescence.

2. Societal conditioning

Society loves to tell us what we should or shouldn’t do.

From a young age, we absorb cultural messages about our roles based on gender, race, or background. These subtle influences can limit what you think is possible.

For example, women might grow up believing they aren’t “good with numbers” because of outdated stereotypes. Or certain backgrounds may instill the belief that certain career paths are out of reach.

Social conditioning and unconscious biases reduce aspirations and reinforce limiting beliefs, particularly among women and minorities.

But if you think about it, it's all about belief. What's possbile for you or not. And based on your belief, you act or don't act. Which reinforces your belief. Crazy right?

I'm going to ask you something now: How many of your beliefs are actually yours, and how many have been handed to you by society?

3. Past Failures

When we experience failure, especially if it’s emotionally charged, the brain often links the event to our identity.

Instead of seeing the failure as a one-off event, we internalize it as a statement about who we are: “I’m not capable” or “I always fail.” Over time, these beliefs become a self-fulfilling prophecy, stopping you from trying again. The fear of failure can become stronger than the desire to succeed.

Carol Dweck’s research on growth versus fixed mindsets at Stanford University supports this. Individuals with a fixed mindset—believing their abilities are static—are more likely to develop limiting beliefs after failure.

Those with a growth mindset view failure as a stepping stone to learning and growth.

What failure are you still holding onto that’s defining your self-worth?

4. Comparisons and Social Media

I love social media as a learning tool, but boy, it can also be a breeding ground for self-doubt.

Although I wouldn't say social media actually creates limiting beliefs, it certainly amplifies them. By constantly comparing your behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel, those old beliefs, like “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never be successful”—become louder.

Social media can fuel the narrative that you’re somehow falling behind, even if you’re doing just fine.

Take a moment to think about it, is the comparison game serving you or sabotaging you?

Top 3 limiting beliefs

We all have all kinds of limiting beliefs because each life experience shapes us differently.

Here are the top five that many of us struggle with and why they matter.

"I’m not good enough"

This belief is often created early in childhood as a result of:

• Repeated criticism, whether from parents, teachers, or peers, can lead to feelings of inadequacy. When you're constantly told you're not doing something right, you start to believe that you aren’t good enough.

• Negative experiences of rejection from family or peers can reinforce the belief that you’re not worthy of love or acceptance and you aren’t enough just as you are.

• Growing up with high expectations, whether self-imposed or from authority figures, can create the sense that you must be perfect to be “good enough.” For perfectionists, even small mistakes feel like failures.

How does this belief manifest in adulthood? Well, in many "creative" ways to say the least.

People who believe they are not good enough often:

• Avoid opportunities due to fear of rejection or failure, convinced they’ll never measure up.

• Are people-pleasers and seek external validation and approval from others.

• Procrastinate or self-sabotage, and hold themselves back from pursuing goals because of deep-seated doubts about their abilities.

• Feel overwhelmed by perfectionism and view small mistakes as evidence of their inadequacy.

• Struggle with low self-esteem, constantly comparing themselves to others and feeling inadequate.

"I don’t deserve success"

This self-limiting beliefs can be really sneaky.

For me, at least, it wasn't until I started expressing the pile of anger I had from childhood and doing little, daily self-care habits that I realized how deeply I believed I didn’t deserve success.

It showed up in ways I didn’t even recognize, like turning down opportunities or not fully celebrating my wins.

I would always find ways to downplay my achievements or feel guilty when things went well.

The reality is, success isn’t about “deserving” in the traditional sense.

It’s about effort, growth, and resilience.(and luck some would argue)

Success is about being consistent and building systems that support your growth.

"I’ll fail if I try"

The fear of failure can be paralyzing, and I felt it on my skin.

This self-limiting belief can show up as:

• You talk yourself out of opportunities before you’ve even started, convinced it’s not worth the effort because you’ll fail.

• You stick to what’s safe and familiar and you never step outside your comfort zone to avoid potential embarrassment or disappointment.

• You may delay starting projects or chase unrealistic standards and use perfectionism as an excuse to avoid the possibility of falling short.

This is all part of what’s called a fixed mindset or the belief that our abilities and talents are static and unchangeable.

When we think this way, failure feels like a permanent label when, in reality, failures are just temporary setbacks.

5 steps to overcome your limiting beliefs

When I first started to work on my limiting beliefs, I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. I was just repeating affirmations and hoping something would shift.

Spoiler alert: it didn’t work, at least not in the way I expected.

After years of inner work, trial and error, I’ve developed a system that works with any limiting belief.

Here’s the truth and I'm not going to sugarcoat it: belief work is identity work, and it takes time. I've yet to find a quick fix to this.

But if you’re patient and ready for real change, here’s the process that helped me (and can help you too):

1. Identify the belief holding you back

Before you can change a belief, you first need to become conscious of it. You can’t shift what you don’t see. Many self-limiting beliefs hide beneath the surface, like crippling weights in our subconscious.

To shine a light on them, try to do one or two of the following:

• Pay attention to your self-talk and the things you tell yourself throughout the day. Are there recurring negative thoughts or phrases? Common ones include “I’m not capable” or “This always happens to me.” Write them down.

• Strong emotional responses often point to underlying beliefs, so try to catch them. When something makes you feel defensive, anxious, or defeated, ask yourself, “What belief might be behind this feeling?”

• If you're into journaling, try workign with prompts like, “What’s holding me back?” or “What do I believe about myself when it comes to success?”

• Sometimes, the people closest to you can see patterns that you might miss. Ask trusted friends or mentors what they notice about your self-talk or behaviors. Also, working with a coach can be a great way to identify limiting beliefs.

2. Challenge the belief with evidence

Here’s where you become a detective. Use these tips to challenge your limiting beliefs and stop viewing them as absolute truths:

• Start by writing down the limiting belief you want to challenge, like “I’m not good enough to start my own business.”

• Then, look for 3-5 examples from your life that prove this belief wrong. Think about moments when you succeeded, received positive feedback, or learned a new skill despite doubts.

• Next, ask yourself, “Where did this belief come from?” Is it rooted in a specific previous experience or someone else’s opinion?

• Limiting beliefs often include words like “always,” “never,” or “can’t,” So, reflect on this, “Is it really true that I always fail?” or “Have there been times when I succeeded?”

• Create a list of positive experiences and achievements that contradict the limiting belief. Add to this list each time you achieve something related to the belief.

• Review the list regularly to remind yourself of the evidence against the old belief.

3. Reframe the belief with empowering thoughts

You’re still with me? Good because this part takes a bit of patience.

Reframing your beliefs is where the real work begins. It’s not easy, but it’s worth every bit of effort. Once you’ve exposed the old belief and challenged it, the next step is to replace it with an alternative beliefs.

This is where you begin to rewire your mind with empowering thoughts.

Here's how to do it:

• Take your old belief and flip it into something that lifts you up. For example, if the limiting belief was “I’m not good enough,” turn it into “I am constantly learning and improving.” Make sure the new belief feels realistic and something you can grow into over time.

• Repeating positive statements helps your mind accept them as truths because brains work with repetition. I know this may sound woo-woo, but stick with me. I've done this myself and it worked. Try saying your new belief out loud each day, write it on sticky notes, and put them where you can see it often. The more you repeat it, the more it will start to feel natural.

• Now, this is what most people miss when working to rewire their brains. They miss the sensations in the body. They don't embody their new thoughts. So, at this point, close your eyes and imagine what your life would look like if you fully believed this new thought. How does it feel in the body? What actions would you take from this vibration of energy? How would you show up differently?

• Rewiring our thinking takes time. Scientists estimate that it takes around 10,000 repetitions to make a strong neural pathway. But please don't run away after reading this, because small, consistent efforts add up. Each time you choose a new, empowering thought over an old limiting one, you’re chipping away at the old pathway and strengthening the new.

• Your old beliefs won’t disappear overnight. When negative thoughts creep back in, remind yourself of the evidence you gathered and replace those thoughts with your new, empowering belief.

4. Take small, consistent actions to build confidence

I fear this is the moment when you'll just close this page and never come to my website ever again. But I have to say it anyway.

Changing beliefs doesn’t happen just by thinking differently.

You also have to ACT on it.

And no, that doesn’t mean taking huge, life-altering leaps every day. It means starting with small, doable actions that challenge your old belief.

For example, I used to believe I was shy. I told myself that I wasn’t good at speaking up in groups or meeting new people.

To challenge this, I started with small steps, like introducing myself to someone new at events or speaking up in smaller meetings.

Each time I took action, my confidence grew a little more, and over time, I realized that shyness wasn’t a fixed part of who I am—it was just a false belief I’d held onto for too long.

5. Cultivate a growth mindset

There’s lots of research and evidence that successful people tend to have a growth mindset, a belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through effort, learning, and perseverance.

Psychologist Carol Dweck, who coined the term, found that people with a growth mindset are more resilient in the face of challenges and setbacks because they see these obstacles as opportunities to learn rather than as proof of their limitations.

To cultivate a growth mindset:

• Listen to podcasts or follow social media profiles of people who embody a growth mindset

• Do your inner work and reframe your beliefs

• Get out of your comfort zone as often as you can

This is a tested system and an effective method I used to get out of my own way and change my negative self-talk.

It's not a quick fix because we're talking deep work here, but if you commit to it, you'll watch your life change 180°.

If you want to read more about mindset and how coaching can help with transforming limiting beliefs, building confidence, and cultivating a growth mindset explore my blog or reach out for a free discovery session.